Why Changing Behaviors Isn’t Enough

Many co-parents want things to improve, but they focus only on changing the other parent’s behavior. They believe if their co-parent would just be more flexible, communicate better, or stop being difficult, things would improve.

But change doesn’t start with behavior. It starts with mindset.

If you see your co-parent as the problem, you’ll always be in conflict.

The Arbinger Institute’s Outward Mindset explains that conflict thrives when we see others as obstacles rather than people. When we assume negative intent, it fuels tension. But when we stop reacting to behavior and start recognizing the human behind it, everything shifts.

This is exactly what BeH2O™ teaches co-parents: Your mindset, not just your actions, determines the success of your co-parenting relationship.

The Inward vs. Outward Mindset in Co-Parenting

An inward mindset sees the co-parent as:

• A problem to be fixed
• An obstacle standing in the way
• Someone who “just doesn’t get it”

An outward mindset sees the co-parent as:

• A person with their own struggles, pressures, and fears
• Someone who may be making the best choices they know how
• A parent who, like you, wants what’s best for their child—even if they approach it differently

This shift doesn’t just reduce conflict—it protects the child from unnecessary tension. This is why BeH2O™ focuses so heavily on helping parents make this shift first before tackling communication strategies.

Focusing on What’s Driving Behavior, Not Just the Behavior Itself

Think about a business leader who receives negative customer feedback. They have two choices:

1. React to the complaint itself: “This customer is so demanding!”
2. Understand what’s behind it: “What’s frustrating them? What do they need?”

Successful business owners choose the second approach. Co-parents must do the same.

Example of an Inward vs. Outward Mindset in Co-Parenting:

Inward Mindset: “My co-parent keeps making last-minute changes just to mess with me.”
Outward Mindset: “Are they overwhelmed? Are they struggling with their schedule? What conversation might actually help?”

Inward Mindset: “They never respond to my messages!”
Outward Mindset: “Are they feeling attacked? Do we need a different communication structure?”

BeH2O™ helps parents move past emotional reactions by focusing on solutions that are child-centered and sustainable.

Practical Steps to Apply an Outward Mindset in Co-Parenting

1. Shift Your Perspective – Instead of focusing on your frustrations, ask:

   • What are their challenges?
   • What’s their goal in this situation?
   • What pressures might they be experiencing?

2. Define the Shared Goal – How can I focus on our child’s well-being instead of proving my point?

3. Communicate with Intention –

   • Use clear, neutral language
   • Stay focused on the child, not past grievances
   • Keep emotions out of logistics

At BeH2O™, we teach that co-parenting doesn’t have to be a battle—it can be a structured, goal-oriented approach that prioritizes the child’s experience.

Actionable Challenge for the Week

Identify one area where you’ve been stuck in an inward mindset. Ask yourself:

• Am I assuming my co-parent’s actions are intentional, or could there be another explanation?
• What might be driving their behavior that I haven’t considered?
• How can I shift my response from reactionary to intentional?

When you stop seeing your co-parent as a problem, you gain the power to improve co-parenting—without waiting for them to change first.

Looking Ahead: From Mindset Shift to Systems Thinking

Next week, we’ll explore The E-Myth by Michael Gerber and how it applies to co-parenting. Just like businesses need structured systems to succeed, co-parenting needs defined frameworks—not just emotional reactions.